The Departure

She is standing in front of me as we ride the train to the airport. I can feel her worrying about the time as she gazes on the things around her. I can see my future in her, fat and beautiful. I told myself as I watch her that I want to have the wisdom she gained through her fruitful years. This is exactly the woman I want to be 20 or so years from now. 

The train doors opened and I clenched my arms around hers, holding her luggage on the other. She feels comfortable with my touch amidst the fact that we seldom see each other, once in a year I should say. As the elevator doors opened, the cold departure halls welcomed us and sadness flooded my being. I tried to be strong and hide my emotions, I can feel the thickness in my throat rising as if an unseen force is pulling by breath away from me. I can’t breathe, I tried to smile, a bittersweet smile. She walked towards the check-in counter, my eyes followed her way and remembered how she looked, how she walked, how she pushed the airport cart loaded with her luggage. She walked towards me and gave me a sweet and assuring smile. She asked me of the time and I answered her query nonchalantly. She sat beside me and looked on the big split-flap departure board, “We still have time” she said, looking at me with love. We chat for a while and tried to remember every single details of her wrinkled beautiful face. As she opened her lips and uttered the words ‘it’s time’, my heart burst with emotions of pain, agony, and fear of not knowing when I will see her again. As cliché as it seemed ‘we cannot buy back the time’, every bit of my being agrees to that. Yes, we cannot buy back time. A realization that roars like the church bells that echoed in my mind, hearing the sound of it over and over again. The reality of our ‘now’ bites me like a snake and feeling the venom of its pain slowly overpowers my will. She jokingly told me to take care as she stands up from her seat, kissed me like a child on both of my cheeks. She holds my face and looked at it the way she looked at me when I was a little girl.  Her love for me never, and will never change. At that moment as I gaze back at her, I felt an utter love that no human could ever fathom.  We walked towards the departure gates and my eyes are pinned at her, I don’t want this walk to ever end. We said our goodbyes and told her I love her. Until then she will be my virtual mother and will see her again after a year. She walked away from where I stand. As still as a statue, I looked at her until she passed the immigration counters. She waved at me while walking further and further, vanishing from my sight. I can still remember how she smiled back at me with optimism in her eyes. Her strength gave me hope and courage to walk back home with pride. She imprinted something in me, joy I should say. Joy that will sustain me from my aloneness in a foreign land. Joy, that reminds me that I am loved by someone miles away from me, unconditionally. Yes I am loved, and for me, that will be more than enough.